So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
