every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
