you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
