she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
