after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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