is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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