I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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