yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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