no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
