I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
