Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just found puke in my bra..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
