He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
