just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
