these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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