haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
