He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
