You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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