I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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