Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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