i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
