these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
