i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
