so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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