Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
