I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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