His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
