Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
