So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
