I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
