The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i believe in u and ur pee
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