You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fuck appropriateness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
