it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
