matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
