I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
