that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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