shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
