im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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