i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
