Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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