I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
