No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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