You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
