who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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