no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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