Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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