is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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