She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
