I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
