hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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