I just saw a hot homeless man
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
