Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
