i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
